Notebook of past…

When I was younger until a few years ago I always treated badly, disrespected, put down, bullied even having some family members wishing I was dead. Why I don’t know. I was a shy and to myself person but those situations in my life made me an even shyer person. When I think someone hates me or gets annoyed by me I just distance myself. And I always kept things to myself since age 5 (crazy I know) I had diarys and people read them out loud or my mom read them, when I told people who I thought was my best friend, they will tell someone else, get people against me or say “who cares”. I’ve been keeping stuff in for 13 years. I think I might buy a notebook and write everything I’ve been through and lock it for my future kids and grandkids (if I even have children- love life sucks 19 and only been on 1 date). I think if I write everything in a notebook and lock it in a safe, it would help me.

Sometimes I wish I had someone who I can talk to. Someone who will not judge and just understand. Who would actually listen and care.
I can dream